


if i'm a pagan of the good times

by phichit-chu (howtobottlefame)



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Canon, Soulmate marks, Unrequited Soulmates, phichit's 17 when they meet but he's at least 18 by the time they're together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 07:05:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9589982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtobottlefame/pseuds/phichit-chu
Summary: Phichitknowshow it'll end, but he has always been known for throwing himself head first into whatever sparks something bright and living in him. Skating. Watching the sky. Yuuri's lips.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Hozier's Take me to church

When Phichit was young, roughly twelve, his favorite way of getting in trouble was to sneak out of his room just after sunset, expertly making his way down the tree that reached his window. He'd leave his stereo on in his room so that his mother would think he was there, and walk and walk along the Bangkok streets with his favorite pair of skates swinging from his shoulder. 

He was a good kid. He'd still do his homework once he got back, several hours after he was supposed to, and try his best not to look too tired at school the next day. It was hard but it was worth it.

His parents believed in him, he knew, but school still came first in his father's eye. He was only allowed to skate four days a week, and two hours each day seemed impossibly little to him. So, he'd go back home with his mom, have dinner, and sneak out almost every night.

His mother always told him, somewhere between exasperation and delight, that he could charm anyone into doing what he wanted as long as he asked with a smile. The rink's owner had been their neighbor before and Phichit always thanked her with freshly picked flowers for leaving a spare key for him.

lt was different here, with the rink all for him. In here, the ice like a stage and only the moon as audience, he could be himself. There was no need for pretending or anyone to impress. When he fell he got back up, not worrying about disappointing, and all the smiles he wore were true and just for himself. 

When he went back home, his muscles sore and exerted, it was late enough that only the moon went with him. He'd watch it all the while, a sight so beautiful it took his breath away.

He'd get in trouble sometimes. His mom read right through him, waiting for him to sneak back into his room. It never stopped him from doing it again. The ice and the moon were worth it, and he'd take whatever sorrows he could bear as long as he didn't have to stop looking for them.

Meeting Yuri is just the same.

He's 17 now and skating finally gives him the opportunity he had been wishing for. It's the promise to his father that he'll use the chance to further his studies that does it for him. He packs his bags and leaves his home behind. 

He met Celestino the year before when the man had been on a scouting trip for new students. It was all figured out, all he had to do was fly to Detroit and show up at the rink two days later.

He had talked with Yuuri only through texting and only to make the last arrangements he needed. Celestino told him he had been looking for someone to share rent with and who better than another skater. Their conversations had been short but easy and Yuuri didn't seem to mind all the questions he asked.

The flight is long and Phichit already feels exhausted by the time he gets to baggage claim. He already feels the difference in weather even with the conditioned air of the airport, and while he has never minded being around a lot of people all he wants to do right now is leave as soon as possible so he can get some rest.

He spots him through the crowd. He's not sure what makes it so easy when all he had was a verbal and very vague description of what he looked like -Japanese, dark hair-. He doesn't know if it's the awkward way he seems to be looking for someone or the poodles sweater, but sure enough there he is, standing out among all the people.

"Yuuri!" It's the first time he's said his name out loud and he decides right away he likes the way it rolls off his tongue. It gets Yuuri's attention and when he turns around to look at him and offers and a soft, warm smile, Phichit forgets about the exhaustion in his bones.

+

He's watched enough movies and tv dramas to know how roommate relationships are supposed to go. They fight over the bathroom, eat each other's things from the fridge, have movie nights together every Friday, sometimes fall in love.

It turns out, though, living with Yuuri is much better than anything he had imagined.

Yuuri has 8 am classes every morning, the huge nerd, so no matter how early Phichit wakes up the bathroom's already free and a fresh pot of coffee waits for him in the kitchen. 

They don't divide the fridge space or fight over missing leftovers. Instead, whenever Yuuri makes the time to cook (and _god_ can he cook) he always makes sure to leave a carefully packed box for Phichit too, and a little handwritten note on top. _Hope you like this xx_. It's always the same and yet Yuuri writes a new one every time. 

They're both too busy to schedule movie nights each week. They just sort of happen instead. Yuuri would ask what he's watching when he comes back from his night run. The King and The Skater. Again. He would've guessed Yuuri would already be tired of watching it, but he doesn't complain when he finds himself pressed against the warmth of Yuuri's body, one big blanket covering them both and a bowl of homemade popcorn between them. 

It's easy, being with him. The kind of genuine, unrushed feeling he had experienced only a handful of times in his life, usually alone and on the ice. It's easy to be himself with Yuuri and, against his better judgement, the falling in love part sort of happens, too. 

+

Phichit's mark is hard to miss. Right there on his chest, close to his left collarbone, crescent shaped and a pale contrast to his skin. It peaks out whenever he wears so much as a loose t-shirt and it was only two weeks into living with Yuuri that he saw it. 

"It's a moon?" Yuuri asked as he laced his skates in the locker room.

The question was so sudden it took Phichit a moment to realize what he was talking about. "Huh?" he asked lamely, still with only one arm into the shirt he was putting on.

"Your mark. Looks like a little moon." He waved a little towards Phichit's chest before turning his attention back to his skates.

"Oh! Yeah, it is. I've always liked the shape." Most people found it uncomfortable to talk about, their marks. A thing too private to keep in the open. When you meet your match then they will see and only then did it become something that's not meant to be hidden. Having your soulmate is something you were meant to be proud of, when it takes some many years to find theirs. But Phichit found it easy to talk about here, to Yuuri.

"Mine's a star." It's all Yuuri said about it, not looking up at him again. He didn't show it and Phichit didn't ask.

It was only two weeks then and he didn't pay it any mind, only another thing to know about each other.

Now, when Yuuri's lips press gentle down his neck, he thinks it should mean something, this irony. A star and a moon. Surely, it must.

They don’t talk about it. They don't need to. It's just a thing they do, nothing out of the ordinary. Most people don't have the patience to wait for what could be many years, and so find themselves with others, tip-toeing around something too dangerous when the way it ends is already written in the stars.

Phichit's not naïve. Hopeful, sure. A little bit foolish. But never naïve. He knows how it'll turn out. He knows when Yuuri avoids kissing around his mark, or when he trails his fingertips over every delicate knob of Yuuri's back until he presses over the little star just at the bottom. He _knows_ , but he has always been known for throwing himself head first into whatever sparks something bright and living in him. Skating. Watching the sky. Yuuri's lips.

He knows, but when they walk home at night, their bodies tired from practice, his hand still finds Yuuri's. When they go to sleep, their beds pushed together, his arms still wrap around him, his hand settled on the small of his back. When they have sex and he feels Yuuri everywhere around him, gentle and sweet and smelling like his almond shampoo, Phichit kisses him in fear that he'll give words to this thing that fills his chest and threatens to overflow.

It's overwhelming, this thing he feels. He thinks sometimes Yuuri might even feel it, too. He knows, though, giving a name to it and saying it out loud will be unwelcome, that it will make complicated something that's already too good to lose.

So he doesn't. He doesn't give it a name and doesn't think about it. It's something he's always been good at, forgetting the bad things and only thinking about the good. When his parents got angry at him for sneaking out at night, he thought about the empty rink, all the things he could do with the ice all to himself. When he fell during practice, he thought that if he kept trying eventually he'd be able to land a clean jump. When he thought about this, when he saw the moon and the stars in the sky together, he'd think about Yuuri's kisses, Yuuri's smile, how soft his hands are, how warm his body feels at night.

He thinks about Yuuri _now_ and forgets about what comes after.

+

Phichit understands when things start to change. He knows Yuuri enough to know it's not him, that they stay the same but everything else in Yuuri's world changes. He understands all too clearly the way defeat weighs on your shoulders, how it makes everything else seem dull. He knows Yuuri has never been as good as him in shaking things off.

"I understand," he tells him when Yuuri sits him down on the sofa one night and tells him. Their hands are clasped together and for the first time in almost 3 years he doesn't find it so comforting. "I understand. It's fine." He feels his chest is too tight, that he can't breathe, that this is how it starts. But more than anything he wants to make the pained expression Yuuri wears go away. When Yuuri's eyes fill with tears that start to roll thick down his cheeks, he kisses them away and forgets about this aching thing in his chest, this knot in his throat that makes it hard for him to speak.

"I'm sorry, Phi." Yuuri's voice is broken, more a sob than anything else and Phichit doesn't know what hurts more.

He hugs him, presses his face into Yuuri's neck and focuses on the one hurt he can change. "It's okay. We still have until you graduate. Then you can go home. It's okay."

+

He has never liked rainy days. He loves the sun and the moon too much to see them covered by clouds. It's raining in the morning, no stream of sunlight to wake them up. Phichit has never been superstitious, but he thinks it's only fitting.

They tried to make their last night good for both of them, watched The King and The Skater and had takeout from their favorite place. When Yuuri took him to bed his lips were desperate and his hands were everywhere and Phichit couldn't speak. He knew if he started he wouldn't be able to stop. He knew this thing would finally overflow, that he would give it a voice, ask him not to leave him. But he wasn't selfish enough. He couldn't do this to Yuuri, not when all he needed was to move forward.

When Phichit pulled him into his lap and entered him, painfully slowly like it would be over too soon if he didn't, and Yuuri gasped and sobbed brokenly into his shoulder, he stroked his hands down to the dip in his back, gently touching where he knew his mark was. He fucked him slowly, stretching it for as long as Yuuri allowed him, and felt the marked skin beneath his fingertips as a reminder that this is how it was supposed to be, that they simply were not meant to be.

He thinks about that now, watching from the car as Yuuri and Celestino say goodbye. It's still raining and despite everything he can't help but smile fondly at the little steps Yuuri does as he gets ready to rush back to the car. 

The way to the airport is quiet, unusual for them after the lived in comfort they had grown between them. More than once Phichit thinks about things to say, whether something light-hearted or the complete opposite, but finds that he can't speak through the knot in his throat.

He figures by now Yuuri must know, this thing that's too big to miss. He wants to ask him if he felt even something close to that, if there was ever any chance. He doesn't want to stay behind with the doubt. He needs Yuuri to tell him.

When he looks over at him, Yuuri gives him a soft smile, reassuring even as his eyes are bright with the tears he's trying to fight back. When Yuuri reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together and holding it tight, Phichit thinks that maybe he knew all along.

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this i can't believe i hurt my own son like this.  
> yuuri's soulmate is meant to be viktor  
> please be kind to me! Follow me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/kyIoamidala)


End file.
